Sex After Childbirth

The arrival of a baby is an amazing experience that changes your life. But no matter how in harmony you are with your newborn, taking care of the baby brings serious changes to your sexual life.

Although returning to your usual sex life can be challenging, it is a necessary process that poses a challenge for most couples. It's tough, but doable, as long as you have realistic expectations of yourself and your body.

When Can You Resume Sex After Childbirth?

A small number of couples begin having sex within the first month after childbirth, but doctors recommend waiting six weeks. After three months, most couples resume their sexual life.

Before resuming sex, you should not have postpartum vaginal discharge. Regardless of whether you had a natural birth or a cesarean section, women experience bloody discharge, and you need to wait until it stops; otherwise, you risk introducing an infection into the vagina or uterus. If you had tears during childbirth, you should wait until the stitches have healed completely. Remember, only a gynecologist, during a personal examination, can tell you when it is safe to resume sexual activity or if you should wait a little longer.

Fatigue and Lack of Sleep Kill Sexual Desire

For new mothers, fatigue and lack of sleep are perhaps the biggest barriers to feeling sexually attractive.

Your baby typically wakes up for feeding every two to three hours around the clock. This pattern can continue for several months. About 30% of babies do not sleep through the night until they are nine months old. This can be exhausting. And how can you feel like a sexy woman under such circumstances? You may feel like you’ve turned into a mom-machine, devoid of your own sensations and desires. Fathers can be just as tired. But you still think about sex and deep down want your sexual life to return to normal. For a couple, sex is a way to relax, feel emotionally close, and of course, satisfy sexual needs.

Men typically don’t need foreplay to start sex. However, women need conversations and gentle touches. When you’ve just had a baby, it might take more time to switch from the mommy role to the role of a sexual woman who is full of passion and desires sex. Fatigue and sleep deprivation further exacerbate the problem. You must find a solution. For example, talk to your man, explain that you are truly tired, but still want sex and need some time for yourself. Take a hot bath or shower and spend some time on yourself. You’ll rest, and once the baby is asleep, you’ll be able to ease back into sexual activities much more easily. Even if your baby wakes up in the middle of a hot moment (and it happens often), it’s important to maintain a sense of humor and turn it into a joke. Remember, this won’t last forever. Babies grow up very quickly, and your sense of fatigue will also pass, so it’s important to maintain your emotions and your sexual world. Even if at some point you don’t have the energy for sex, you always have the strength to kiss and hug each other or simply say a few tender words.

Hormones and Sex: Painful Sex After Childbirth

Hormones also play a role in sexual problems after childbirth. The level of estrogen decreases after childbirth, which can lead to a lack of vaginal lubrication, making sex painful or less enjoyable due to dryness in the vagina.

The simple solution: use a lubricant during sex. In the absence of lubrication, it will help restore the missing moisture and make it easier to deal with temporary vaginal dryness. It's best to choose a glycerin-free water-based lubricant (glycerin can lead to yeast infections). Our advice: choose a lubricant without fragrances or dyes. It’s preferable that it contains active ingredients, such as aloe vera, chamomile, vitamin E, etc., which contribute to faster healing and restoration of the vaginal walls. The market offers a huge selection of lubricants. It's important to know that the mucous tissue is very thin and absorbs more than half of what you apply to it. It’s better to buy a natural lubricant. Natural lubricants are completely safe during breastfeeding.

Experimenting with different positions may help you find the most suitable and optimal one for you at this time.

If lack of lubrication makes sex painful or if sex causes pain for another reason, never endure the pain. Explain to your partner, ask him to go slow. Always discuss any painful sensations with your gynecologist.

The issue of lack of lubrication usually goes away after you stop breastfeeding or when your hormones return to normal.

Hormonal changes after childbirth can also be linked to postpartum depression, which may suppress sexual desire.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding has many benefits, but it can also create some obstacles when trying to resume sexual activity.

The physical and emotional demands of breastfeeding can block thoughts of sexual desire in the mother. Constant breastfeeding can make your breasts so sensitive that you might not want your partner to touch them. However, there are positive sides to this. A breastfeeding mom should remember that good sex and, of course, orgasm can help increase milk production. So if the milk supply suddenly drops, instead of running around in panic wondering how to feed the baby, calmly engage in some intimate activity with your partner. Dad should help excite you, so that milk is produced due to sexual pleasure. If there is a lack of lubrication, it’s simple: buy a tube of lubricant and keep it handy.

Body Changes After Childbirth

During pregnancy, many women gain weight. It takes time to lose the excess weight. Add to that the newly acquired stretch marks, loose skin on the belly, and a fresh scar (if it’s a cesarean section) – it’s a perfect set for a woman to look at her body and feel dissatisfied with it. Many women don’t accept these changes after childbirth and start feeling self-conscious about their bodies, even falling into depression. But you will be surprised at how many people, including your husband, will give you compliments. Because these changes matter only to you, others don’t even notice them. You’ll learn to live with the scar, the stretch marks, and the weight (if you work on yourself) will eventually go away. It’s important to love yourself in your new form and remember that it’s not as important when you have a baby. While you’re getting used to your new self, buy some sexy lingerie to hide those areas you’re concerned about. Well-chosen lingerie can really help you feel sexy. Another interesting way to overcome shyness is with an erotic costume (you know, like a nurse, maid, or flight attendant…). You don’t have to appear before your husband in an erotic outfit saying, "Well, where’s the patient, I’m about to do a thorough check-up" – though that could work too, but I think each person’s imagination will do just fine without extra words. It’s time to start experimenting in your bedroom… or outside of it.

Another physical issue is that during childbirth, the vaginal walls stretch, which can reduce friction and, as a result, diminish sexual pleasure. It will take some time for the muscles to return to tone. Try doing Kegel exercises. Repeated squeezing and releasing of the muscles can help in this situation.

You must accept all the changes that have happened to you as part of motherhood.

Emotional Issues

If you're having trouble resuming your sex life – aside from physical issues – there may be emotional problems. Think about why you don’t want to have sex with your partner?

One typical emotional block is anger or resentment that you spend the entire day at home changing diapers, while your partner is living in the big world, doing normal things like working outside and talking with other people. If you're angry with your partner, you’re unlikely to feel in the mood for sex. No matter how special you were before the baby, after birth, everyone experiences the same arguments and problems. Talk about your feelings, what worries you, and solve your problems together. Many of these problems can be solved through communication.

A New Stage in Your Sex Life

Although much depends on each individual, within a year after childbirth, everything begins to normalize. Loving mom and dad accept their new roles as parents, spending a lot of time with their baby. They understand the weight, but also the joy and fulfillment that life with their child brings.

Over this time, both partners accept that they may not have as much sex as before, mainly because there is much less free time. They can no longer spend as much time cuddling in bed. But this is all a normal stage in the development of your family, and with each stage, you may encounter new norms in your sex life. The most important thing is that both of you feel happy. If one partner is unhappy with the sex life, talk about it before it becomes a serious problem.

While you’re just getting started as parents, and your sex life is going through a new stage of family development, the most important thing is to support each other and help each other adjust to your new role. And remember, even if today you’re not in the mood for sex, you should always embrace, kiss, and say words of love to each other to preserve your tender feelings. Kiss more, kiss a lot, hug – it will preserve your love!